| Well, if he's going to be ridiculous, so am I! |
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| 10:32am 20/11/2009 |
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Author of the famed Pride & Prejudice & Zombies, Seth Grahame-Smith, is planning to release an Abe Lincoln: Vampire Hunter book.
In the spirit of solidarity, I have decided to proffer my own humble suggestions to Mr. Smith:
The Last of the Mohicans, or, A Tale of Apocalypse
Lezzie Borden: The True Tales of Homicidal Lesbian Killer
A Christmas Carol Killer
A Midsummer Night's Scream
The Adventures of Peter PantherMan
Jane Eerie
A Connecticut Werewolf in King's Arthur's Court
With deepest regards,
KEJ |
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| 07:06pm 18/11/2009 |
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Top 5 Fanfiction Pet Peeves:
1. Get a beta reader... who actually knows the language better than you do.
Seriously, I'm guilty of this, but I also work at a writing center, so I'm pretty careful with grammar and spelling. Even with that, I mess up. Now imagine someone who isn't careful with these things; the result is not pretty. I added to this, because once I tried to be kind and said that while this author had good ideas, she might think about getting a beta reader because I noticed some technical mistakes. She replied saying she had. If people think you still need a beta reader even when you have one? Find a new one.
2. People who can't take the time to leave a proper review.
Either don't leave a review at all or take the time to write a good one. The great ones are the ones which point out mistakes and things they liked; good ones include a quote or something from the story they thought was especially good; bad ones can't even take the time to write out "very". Think I'm joking? I've gotten several reviews in a certain fandom which will not be named, and a few of them put "this is a v gd story". Really? You can't take the time to put "very good" in your review, you liked it so well? I would rather get nothing than ones where they can't take the time to type out those extra five letters.
3. Posting stories that aren't finished.
Wow, am I guilty of this one--or at least, I used to be. Okay, so here's the thing. The reason these things annoy me so much is because I used to do them. Key words being "used to". I learned from my mistakes. It's people who have been writing in fandom for fifteen years and still do this who piss me off. I am not one of those people who must finish something they start; I am perfectly okay with letting it languish into eternity while drinking mojitos and starting something new. So nowadays, I don't post a chaptered story until I finish it. I'll still post it in installments, but there's never a danger of me abandoning it. Even if you're one of those people who does always finish something, what if something happens? What if you suddenly get swamped at work and don't have time for it anymore? Don't do that to your fans. Just don't.
4. Learn that balance between 'having fun' and 'making an effort'.
This one's tricky. Fanfiction is supposed to be fun. I don't know of anyone who makes a living off of their fanfiction (no, Cassandra Claire does not count), so most of us who write fanfiction are doing so between school or work or both. Taking this in mind, I don't expect someone to spend twenty years doing research on the Civil War to find out if the button on Shawn's left lapel in that one episode of Psych where he joined a re-enactment group was historically accurate. But finding out that the Civil War took place in 1861-1865? That is something I do expect you to know.
Here's a good rule of thumb: Wikipedia. It's not really super accurate or detailed, but it will help you get the "big picture" stuff down. Unless whatever you're talking about is my specialty, I probably won't notice if you get the nitty gritty details wrong.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go wash myself in writer's bleach for actually recommending Wikipedia for research...
5. Author's notes in the middle of the story.
You're doing it wrong. No, really, if you have to explain in an author's note in the middle of your story, you're doing it wrong.
Top 5 Writing Peeves:
NB: Most of the people on here are in college and most of you are already great writers. I'm mainly reiterating on things I see continually in the writing center because I need to vent.
1. Have an actual thesis. Specifics are your friend.
I don't know how many people come in with thesis statements so broad, they're not even applicable. They're talking about how good is good and bad is bad. When making your argument, make it specific. My favorite example, and trust me when I say I have pulled this out more often than I should have to, is as follows:
BAD: The use of light, colors, and shapes in the painting are designed to evoke a response.
GOOD: The use of dim lighting, blue and purple colors, and rounded edges are used in X's painting "Y" to evoke a reflective, melancholic response in the viewer.
See the difference? If your thesis is a "what" type of question, ask "how" and "why" to get to the meat of your argument.
2. Word economy.
"On the other hand", "Likewise", "strongly suggests"... Re-read the sentence without them. Most times, the sentence sounds even better without them.
3. Incorporating quotes is a skill. Learn it.
The worst are floating quotes. People come in with papers where they have a sentence of their own work, then randomly, a sentence made up entirely of a quote. What? Those are the worst, but I still wince when I see how many people put twenty brackets in their quotes to make it fit. The trick is to leave as much of the quote intact as possible, otherwise you're just defeating the purpose. If you seriously can't fit it in, then paraphrase, or ask yourself whether it's even relevant to your point.
4. Yes, we all did the replace-your-passive-voice in elementary school. Yes, you still need to do it.
What can I say? It really does help.
5. Actually, most of the things you learned in elementary school about writing still apply.
I hate saying this, but it's true in some cases. I feel like I need to go back and teach some of the people who come in how to write a paper. You need a thesis statement with your argument. You need topic sentences to introduce your paragraphs, or at least have a flow of logic so I can guess where you're going to go.
When you get to a certain point in writing, some of these things fall by the wayside. For instance, really successful (and also British--coincidence? Probably not) writers will sometimes not have a thesis until the very end; they put so much evidence out there that the only conclusion you can draw is the one they want you to. In elementary, you learned a thesis should only be one sentence. Well, not necessarily. Especially when you start getting into really complex ideas, you'll just sound silly trying to force all that into one sentence.
But, and here's where I'm stepping in as your resident cynic, don't assume you're that good.
It sounds cruel, but I'm a bit chagrined working at the writing center, because people come in with papers and then get mad when I suggest these "elementary school" ideas, because they think they're above that now. And it got me to thinking, "Do I do that?" If you want to break the rules, make sure you're good enough to do it--ask someone to read it and see if it works. Tweak it. Actually work on it. If it doesn't, go back to the beginning.
Everyone has to start somewhere, and everyone grows as a writer. You don't start out being able to write like Oscar Wilde, otherwise what would be the point? Everyone also has their own style, and that's going to grow in time. Don't assume you're already the greatest: you're just doing yourself an injustice. |
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| Advice for an English paper? |
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| 07:42pm 18/09/2009 |
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mood:  nervous music: Some terrible movie with Paul Blackthorne
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HELP!
Okay, so I need some advice. I have a paper due soon and it's over The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. If anyone has read that, then I would be greatly appreciative if you can help me out with this.
Basically we were talking in class about class distinctions and the like in the book, which led to everyone naturally assuming that Toad was the upper-class of society. I was talking this over with Sean (who has never read the book, but is excellent for bouncing ideas off of) and I think I've established a tentative theory, but I'm not certain it holds water. So, if you're familiar with either class structure. in England during the Industrial Age or the book, read on:
1. Badger, Mole, and Rat are closer to Nature and therefore more content, while Toad is constantly attempting to break into the human world and getting into trouble because of it;
2. The animal society may be broken up into lower, middle, and upper class like human society, but the human society is an entirely different sphere;
3. When the two mix, not only does trouble arise, but even the lower-class of the human sphere is considered above the upper-class of the animal sphere (e.g., when the barge woman throws Toad off and proclaims him a filthy toad; no matter how rich he is, he is still a filthy creature);
4. Toad inherited his wealth from his father, who presumably worked to earn it, and so assumes he is on par with the aristocracy/nobility because he was born with wealth, HOWEVER he was not born with a title, which is more important in the long run;
5. ERGO Grahame is using Toad to represent the nouveau riche of the industrial age in England. Mole & co. are content with their place in life and closer to Nature, and represent gentlemen, but they are still not Lord or Baron etc. Toad, however, is trying to go against his nature as well as Nature, breaking into a sphere of society where he does not belong. No matter how wealthy, he is still a Toad by birth, not a titled gentry.
I've been mulling it over and think it makes sense, but my knowledge of late 19th-early 20th British history is curiously lacking. I also feel as if Grahame is incredibly hard to analyze. It seemed every time I had put my finger on something I felt was important, he would have another character who directly contradicted that notion. I still feel as if there's something that completely destroys my argument in one line that I somehow completely missed.
Anyway, thoughts? My first draft is due on Tuesday. |
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| The Endless Perpetuation of Sheep |
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| 12:23pm 31/08/2009 |
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mood:  amused music: Burning Heart by Survivor
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Highlights from Morgan's class today:
"The word 'Italia' originally referred to 'the land of heifers'. Whether they meant the cattle or the women, I don't know."
"I have nothing against sheep--except that they're stupid and dirty. And I have nothing against shepherds, except they perpetuate sheep."
"The Greeks were very 'Why are we here?' and talked about it for 2000 years. The Romans said, 'Because! Right, that's settled, let's get on with it.' "
"No one knows where the Etruscans came from and who cares, anyway? They're constantly theorizing and such. A giant spaceship could have landed and brought them all. Very Stargate, with Ra coming and saying, 'Right, you're all Etruscans!' I mean, it's like high school. Who cares what high school was like? You're an undergrad! Why does it matter what you were before? You're all Etruscans now!" |
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| Happy Birthday! |
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| 12:08am 15/08/2009 |
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Happy 21st, Court!
(I feel so behind...November will come... someday...)
afkjslajf I'd post a long sappy thing but I've got two finals I need to finish studying/writing tonight. In short, love you, gorgeous! |
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| Weather Report |
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| 07:49am 05/08/2009 |
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mood:  hot
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High today: 104
High tomorrow: 105
High Friday: 102
My air conditioner broke. FML. |
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| Rewind. Start Over. |
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| 04:17pm 31/07/2009 |
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mood: depressed music: Suicide is Painless by Johnny Mandel
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This day was a complete and total bust. A bust that a raven would be ashamed to sit upon above a chamber door. A bust that Jayne Mansfield would slink away from in embarrassment. A bust that narcotics cops would point and jeer at.
When you're putting "The friendly Smurfs" as one of the Hellenistic kingdoms, there is something terribly, tragically wrong.
But I did draw two pretty pictures, so there's that. They're views from Waggener, so if you ever were curious where I spent 96% of my life--and I know you all are--you'll still be curious, because I don't have a scanner.
And now to drown my sorrows (by which I mean pizza) in ranch dressing and diet Coke. |
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| Shamelessly stolen from aquitaneq |
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| 11:22pm 15/07/2009 |
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mood: bored
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The BBC says the average person will have only have read 6 of the 100 books below.
Put an X next to the ones you have read. Total each section as you go along...
Normally I would interject that an English major has an advantage in this, except most of these books I read on my own outside of class. The BBC comes up with startling depressing numbers when it comes to literacy, apparently.
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien X
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte X
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling X
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee X
6 The Bible X
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte X
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman X
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens X May it rot.
Total so far: 10
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy X
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller X
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare X Though I may have skimmed some of the sonnets.
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger X
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
Total so far: 16
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell X Clark Gable improved this immensely.
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy One day, when I can afford a notebook entirely dedicated to keeping track of all the characters...
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams X
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky X
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll X
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame X I would have chosen Peter Pan to include, but there you go.
Total so far: 23
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy X His short stories are vastly underrated, by the way.
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens X Not actually about the magician.
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis X
34 Emma - Jane Austen X
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe X Isn't this redundant?
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hossein
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne X
Total so far: 29
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown X And I regret it terribly.
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood X
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
Total so far: 34
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel X
52 Dune - Frank Herbert X
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen X
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Total so far: 38
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov X
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold X
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas X
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac XOXOXOXO
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy X
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding X
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville X
Total so far: 46
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker X
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce X Though I couldn't tell you a thing about it. That book lends new meaning to the word 'incomprehensible'.
76 The Inferno – Dante X
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackery
Total so far: 51
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert X
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle X
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Total so far: 56
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery X In French, actually.
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams X
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole X Not as good as I'd hoped, alas.
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas X
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl X BFG was better.
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo X
Total: 64/100
Clearly I've been remiss in my reading--though tellingly, most of the ones I have not read are modern. I imagine after studying for my GRE in Literature, I'll have all of these (and many more) covered thoroughly. The question is not 'have you read' some of these novels, but in many cases, why would you want to?
I'd also like to add that after tonight, there will be fifty people out there wrongly despising Anton Chekhov and this displeases me greatly. We're reading "The Lady with a Dog", AKA "There are much better short stories by him out there, but we refuse to acknowledge them because some tasteless snob decided that this was his best and we're much too lazy to dig up the others and show them as proof that Chekhov actually was, in fact, funny."
And that is all. |
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kitsjay's journal